Perhaps Farewell

 

For all of you.

Look, I don't know how much time I have left - the doctors all look very sad when they see me lately.
I'll tell you now what I would want to tell you if I left too quickly to say goodbye, ok?

Right.

Well, first of all, I'm sorry. So sorry. More sorry than you'll ever know. I apologize if I've hurt you by word or deed. I may have, occasionally, been a bit spiteful ...but not for long. I mean, I meant it at the time but that was just drama. It never meant that I hated you or wished ill upon you. I may have lashed out like an injured animal, uncaring of the damage that could be done. Also, I felt that you'd be unbothered by anything little ol' me could do to you. And, it only happened because you'd casually crushed me and sauntered away without a backward glance. Not an excuse or justification, just an explanation of the intense emotional reaction, on my part.

Okay, now what? Let me think.

Ah yes - I loved you - all of you... in my own misunderstood way.
You were all so very precious to, and cherished by me. I know I never let on - I wouldn't know where to start. I mean - I get awkward when people hug, for crying out loud. Affectionate gestures feel foreign to me. I am unaccustomed to them. Look, it happens. Not everyone gets kissed and cuddled in life. Most of the world is happy just to have food to eat and water to drink every day, you know?

I'm going to miss you all until we meet again. I won't be looking down on you from heaven because I'll be far too busy on the Other Side. I plan to map out the Universe in my travels there before I'm consigned to another human life. 

We were lied to about what happens after our human life ends. There's no heaven or hell. You're going to be absolutely amazed when you arrive there. Don't ask me what happens to the bad guys because it's not what you'd expect or hope for as a human. It's a perfect ending, though, for souls, once they're there. It all makes perfect sense - you'll see.

Most of you will be blown away by the Unconditional Love that envelops you as soon as you step past the veil. Oh! And the music! The music is beyond anything that humans are capable of hearing. It's aurally phantasmagorical - except you won't hear it with your ears because you'll have left them behind along with your empty body. You'll hear it with your soul... your very being.

The intensity of the colours will make you realize that we've been seeing through a glass darkly all our human lives. The spectrum is vast. 

You'll know everyone there from all of your lifetimes. There'll be laughter. Joy. Bliss. Certainty. 

Everything you've ever wanted to know - every answer to every question that went unanswered will immediately be revealed. You'll understand. You'll laugh at human foibles. You'll be amused by the picayune problems that obsessed you and wasted your precious time. 

You'll understand what dreams really are.

There'll be no more pain.

I've seen all this and it's wonderful but, even so, I will miss the good times and the bad because all the times meant that I was alive and human and not too flawed to learn what's really important.

Anyway, I don't know how much Earth Time I have left and neither do you, as it happens. Nobody knows their expiry date and that's okay. "We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when."
Ti amo. Te quiero. Je t'aime. Ich liebe dich. 愛してる.  我爱你 .
I do love you. All of you. Well, to be fair, most of you. I'm not dead yet but, when I am, I will be able to love all of you, by the Grace of Good. lol

Please have a listen. 
https://youtu.be/2a7_yCxMgZc?si=mc23V_sGClNIXS-3

©Ellen Pepper 2025
image credit: time.com