WHEN I'M HAPPY

There were no tears 
when you were taken away.
No tears while you were stuck in chains.
No crying at your return.

I only cry when I'm happy now.

You never said what happened.
You didn't notice the pain.
You did what you had to do.
I guess you'll never explain.

I only cry when I'm happy now.

 That Tuesday morning
when I saw you were gone,
I stood at the window,
your bike still on the lawn.

I only cry when I'm happy now.

Now you're living at Belmont.
You wear rather fine clothes.
You sneer at the poor,
cuz they've nothing you want.

I only cry when I'm happy now.

I have my own space here.
I never call out.
Amusing self daily,
I live in the now. 

I only cry when I'm happy now.
I laugh only too well.
My friends are the angels,
Who saved me from hell.

I only cry when I'm happy now.

 ©Ellen Pepper 2026

 

FOOLED

 It's 3 in the morning, you're restless beside me.
Our bed so silent and sad,
Your sleepy hands reach out to hold me,
and I freeze.

We haven't spoken in days -
 since your phone lit up
 with an incoming call 
from Willa, my best friend.

I asked you why she'd be calling you 
when you were supposed to be at work.
You bridled and shouted that I had been spying.
That's when I lost my words.

We haven't spoken in days.

Willa denied that something was up.
I could tell she was hiding the truth.
She wouldn't come clean, she kept saying to wait.
I walked away feeling betrayed.

We haven't spoken in days. 

Heartache and anger were ruling my heart.
I vowed to leave you again.
Started packing my bags and finding a place.
Knowing that this time I wouldn't be back.

We haven't spoken in days.

Then yesterday morning, you asked to meet me -
at the cafe in which we first met.
Puzzled, I said sure, and thought that was strange,
but then I knew that we'd be saying goodbye.

We hadn't spoken in days.

 All day, I kept myself busy,
Not wanting to think of the rest of my life.
I drove to the cafe, sad and scared,
And there you were at the door, waiting.

You smiled, and my heart soared,
I missed you already,
We walked through inside the cafe, and...
Shouts of "SURPRISE!" shook me up.

We hadn't spoken in days.
You and Willa had planned a party.
Nothing nefarious was going on and
I wasted time worrying for nothing.

When the hubbub settled, 
you smiled at me and sang our song,
"Soul deep,
choose love over fear,
a loyal heart is true."

We hadn't spoken in days.

©Ellen Pepper 2026

https://youtu.be/7Dy07bHY08g?si=W79SyLc1JUodw_UD

Your presence lingers.

Your presence lingers.
Though you rode away to fight the war -
your stallion rearing up in anticipation -
your heart stayed here at home.

Your presence lingers,

Though the persistence of  conflict
has torn you away from loved ones.
Images of you are burnt in my mind.

Your rough hands with tender touch.
Your eyes glinting with mischief.
Your wild, tousled hair reflecting the sun.
The way you threw back your head  in laughter.

Your presence lingers.

Your name is spoken every day.
No message has arrived.
Rumours have you at the front.

Another day has come and gone.
The battle scenes are noised about
by those who left and returned.
It’s been so long since you left...

Your presence lingers,

Your clothes haven't lost your scent.
We don’t know what to expect.
Some say the foreign King’s forces triumph.

The word came this morn,
 our army has been defeated.
That you’ve been lost in battle,
and will never come home again, 
never.
Still...
Your presence lingers.

STEPPING AWAY

 

Where can you go,
where the news is not?
How to find peace while bombs fall?
Where is relief from the horrors?
It's not easy to step away from the news.

You find your dreams haunted by sorrow.
You run to the forest of happier thoughts.
Yet, the images persist and grow.
Your soul cries out. Your eyes spill tears.
It's not easy to step away from your mind.

How can you calm your soul?
You try to end despair with levity,
but that's too hollow.
You try to escape into nostalgia,
 but it's not easy to evade the now.

Where can you go,
where the news is not?
What can erase despair?
When will relief arise at the end of the day?
it's not easy to step away.

©Ellen Pepper 2026

The Time for Forgiveness...

When the shouting ends.
The tears stop falling.
The rage internalizes.
They've said it all.
The time for forgiveness has come.

He said,
She said,
Neither one agreed.
He despised her excuses.
She condemned his cruelty.
The time for forgiveness has come.

They did the dance of anger,
betrayal,
and lies.
They exhausted excuses.
The time for forgiveness has come.

In future years, they'll wonder,
"Was it all in vain?"
Thinking back and fumbling facts,
nostalgia softens pain.
The time for forgiveness has come.

They meet for coffee,
just to talk.
So many years gone by.
Time to atone for failures,
The time for forgiveness has come.

Later, after absolution,
they walk away in silence -
regretting time lost to ego and pride.
They vow to love again.
The time for forgiveness has come.



 ©Ellen Pepper 2026

Nobody knows your name...

 Nobody knows your name.
Still, you're trying so hard.
So damn hard, to be seen.
You wander the streets
 with your heart on your sleeve,
Hoping somebody calls your name.

Lord, nobody knows your name.
Nobody knows your name.

And nobody knows your heart,
do they?
Nobody knows your song.
Nobody sees you walking,
Nobody sees you dance.

Lord, nobody knows your name.
Nobody knows your name.

My earnest friend,
you work so hard.
You lay down the tracks,
every day in your studio.
But nobody knows your name.

Lord, nobody knows your name.
Nobody knows your name.

One day soon,
after all these years,
your dream will come true,
your name will find fame.

And everyone will know your name.
You find your talent will bring you fame.
Your words will be known, 
Your songs will be sung.

And everyone will know you,
Some will love you,
Some will shun you,
But everyone will know your name.


 ©Ellen Pepper 2026

Lullabye for the Little One

 

Come to me, my little one,
I'll hold you while you sleep. 
Come to me, little one,
We have dreams to keep.

We've spent the day together,
Stayed in -  away from weather.
We played with song and toys.
We laughed with all the joys.

And now, you'll want to rest a while.
Close your eyes with contented smile.

Mama tucks your blanket in,
and Papa kisses you on your chin.
We love you so, little one.
Be cozy, as your sleep is won.

And now, your eyes are drooping down;
your tiny hands are folded.
You snuggle deeper under cover;
there's no need for us to hover.

Sleep tight, little one.
Tomorrow will come soon.

©Ellen Pepper 2026

Give it Up

It's sad to say but
you look like silly, old lady
 hangin' onto a dream
 that can never come true.
 
Give it up,
give it up,
find new dreams,
before you die.

You wander 'round the city,
looking for the one you left behind,
but you lost him,
you lost him with your pride.

Give it up,
give it up,
find new dreams,
before you die.

You thought you'd call him back some day,
But you never got around to it.
Life chewed you up and spit you out,
now there's nothing left to hit.

Give it up,
give it up,
find new dreams,
before you die.

There's nothing left of charm and grace.
Just tear-runneled skin and flabby thighs.
You wasted time by chasing,
and pleasing, other guys.

Give it up,
give it up,
find new dreams,
before you die.

You need a hobby, girl.

©Ellen Pepper 2026

Just a Few Minutes

 

 

The macro is too intense.
Wars, tariffs, crimes against nature,
disease outbreaks, lies, 
murders, rapes, 
and evils without end.

I'm going to need a few minutes to myself, if you don't mind.


The micro is weighing me down.
Property taxes and bill payments due;
dentist needs money, too.
Snow continues to fall. As do temperatures.

I'm going to need a few minutes to myself, if you don't mind.


The feral cats are about to go on walkabout -
looking for love in all the wrong places.
All the other animals are suffering winter famine.
Life is a hard thing to live, in the wild.

I'm going to need a few minutes to myself, if you don't mind.


The world is wailing in its sleep.
So much pain and sorrow.
Nobody can see a better tomorrow.
Grief is all around.
The white house is hosting a clown without a mind.
It's all gone to shit.

I'm going to need a few minutes to myself, if you don't mind.


Things are about to shift in order to
repair this horrific misalignment.
How can we hurry it along?
We can't. 
Patience is needed for the aspects to unite.
Keep the focus on the incoming change.

I'm going to need a few minutes to myself, if you don't mind.
Take a few minutes for yourself, I don't mind.


©Ellen Pepper 2026
quote: Anne Lamotte

And here we are...

 

I'm tired.
So tired.
Very, very tired.

Day after day,
relentlessly,
The "news" comes out.
It's always "BREAKING!"

It's always another atrocity...
savage cruelty,
lawlessness,
soul-crushing squalor,
addiction to torturing the innocents.

And those in high places,
those mighty,
those powerful...
are fattening themselves on misery.

The cost of their social events -
parties, weddings, cocktails and meetings -
could pay for decent housing and food
for everyone.
Everyone.
With plenty left over for the philanthropists.

There'd be no dire poverty,
no death by lack of medical care,
no starving, ailing children.
The only kids they value are those they desire
to defile
and then toss away like trash.

They're callous and cruel.
They're selfish, and tools of commerce.
They lack conscience and care.
Their souls have been put on ice,
preparatory to spending eternity in hellfire
and damnation.

Meanwhile,
I'm tired.
Every decent person is tired.
We're flagging.
The daily onslaught against all that is good
makes 'just surviving' a Sisyphean struggle
with no discernible relief in sight. 

We need a time out but can't afford to lose focus -
not for even a moment.
Lives will end unless we continue to pay attention 
and
RESIST.


©Ellen Pepper 2026

Good and Pretti

 

Good and Pretti
With our own eyes,
we witnessed their execution 
at the hands of trump's storm troopers.

Innocent of a crime,
they were murdered for opposing
the beating, incarceration and murder of others.
Being US citizens, nonetheless deprived of their rights 
along with their lives.

Outrage is not enough.
Violence is counter-productive -
further punishment by government would ensue.
A rogue regime is killing off American residents.

Why?
What is the point of all this?
To declare Martial Law so,
as trump promised on the campaign trail:
"Vote this time and I guarantee you'll never have to vote again."

Voting is not something to be shirked.
It is a citizen responsibility.
To remove that right is a fascistic, dictatorial, 
"3rd World shithole country" option.

What can be done to end this march into a dystopian society 
where only the elite have rights?
Rights that they buy from the tyrannical despot 
with the bad temper of a toddler.

When only the rich survive this fiasco, 
who will do the real work of rebuilding the country?
Without  a sense of belonging, 
why would the less than wealthy even bother to try?

When everything is broken,
we look for a hero, a liberator, a protector.
Hoping for a guardian to arrive,
we open ourselves to yet another take-over,
if we deify another bad leadership choice.

What is needed now is wisdom, strength, and resilience.
What is needed is a plan to realign.
The need is immediate.
No time to waste.

Stop ICE, then
cut out the government rot at the root.
Start all over again but, this time,
Vet the prospectives before voting in
another tribe of criminal miscreants and murderers.


©Ellen Pepper 2026

Sometimes it doesn't matter...

 

Sometimes it doesn't matter what you do.
Sometimes your words go unheeded.
Sometimes you scream into the void that fascism is rising.
Sometimes you find yourself alone, fending off apathy.

You live in an echo chamber now,
Of those who are awakened to the threat.
The unwoke would rather sleepwalk to their death.
To them "woke" is anathema.
Frogs in a pot as the water comes to a boil.

Meanwhile,
the storm-troopers fill the streets with 
state-sponsored terrorism.
Upending normal life in the service 
of an unchained demon master.
Beating and shooting, and gassing
and murdering both innocents and innocence.
No restraint.
Brutality is their default.

Sometimes you think there's no hope.
That this is just the way it is now.
That nothing can be done to return the world to sanity.
But there is.
There is.

Round up the killers of freedom.
Subject them to trial.
Remove them from power.
Do it now, before they become even more entrenched.
Otherwise, nothing you do will ever matter again.


©Ellen Pepper 2026
Image: storage.googleapis.com

PURGATORY

"A state believed to exist after death, in which the souls of persons are purified by expiating such offences committed in this life as do not merit eternal damnation, to become fit for heaven." 

He dwells in Purgatory,
this unfortunate soul isn't ready for heaven.
He feels the need to atone.
He waits for salvation.

She was revered as a saint but
it seems she still wasn't saintly enough.
That one moment of turning her back 
on the suffering of a dying woman
cancelled her immediate acceptance.

Realistically, there's no such thing
 as an actual place of purgatory, but...
What if you really believe in it?
Does that make doctrine reality?

Can one abide in Purgatory while alive?
Not according to its definition.
What would it feel like, though?
A state of abeyance,
A lack of forward movement,
A liminal point between action and apathy?

Freedom by way of  purgation can be found while living.
A different perspective causes release from the prison
of waiting.
Finding one's way without parameters is for the best.
Heaven and hell are right here, right now.

When you're a ghost, neither will be relevant.
This life is a brief moment in time.
The after life comes when your part in the play is done,
curtain call taken, costume removed, and
returned to real life on the Other Side.
In other words, everyone goes Home.


©Ellen Pepper 2026
image from ptcdemasconfianza.blogspot.com

This Morning

 

 The stop sign at the corner is knee deep in snow.
Silence is broken only by the slushy plow.
Trees heavily laden with the burdensome white.
Howling wind begins to blow.

Woke up to the news of an ICE flash-bang grenade 
and tear gas in Minneapolis,
Hit a car with 6 kids inside - one an infant.
The children have been hospitalized.

The world saw Renee Good murdered in cold blood last week.
Another extrajudicial murder by ICE.
There was no reason for her to die.
She did nothing wrong. 
There are several videos attesting to her innocence,
Yet, the entire trump administration lied-
told us not to believe our lying eyes.

NATO allies are preparing to send troops to deal with trump's intention to invade Greenland.
Last week, he took Venezuela.
Last night, it looked like it was Iran's turn.

All this chaos and mayhem is meant to distract from what he did to little kids that will be revealed when the Epstein documents are fully released.

Meanwhile, the feral cats are staying in their shelters because it's 13F and the snow that fell last night is deeper than their bodies are tall. Better to be snug and warm - food can wait. They ate well last night - meat and biscuits - so they're good until the snow is shovelled.

Life is going on, even though insanity rules the outside world. Without being aware of the news, without knowledge of the horrors, life can still seem good in this sanctuary.
The snow is deep and silence reigns.


©Ellen Pepper 2026
image: dreamstime.com

Piercing the Abyss

 

 

Piercing the abyss

with probing mind

seeking truth
but finding lack.

Youth is callow,
fresh and untainted,
until damaged.
Trusting...til broken by cruelty.

“Come away with me to a tropical isle,”
said the procurer, sibilant with her devil tongue.
“Sun, sand and sea 
and some rich friends who can give you a better life. 
You’ll give massages 
and play some games.
But, if you tell anyone about it,
and, if you fail to please,
your life will be snuffed like a candle.
That’s just the luck of the draw.”

The little boy in the group shudders with fear.
“Don’t worry,” he’s told,
” Boys are hard to find.”

These days, he’s piercing the abyss.
Telling the truth of what went down.
Naming names. 
Detailing the crimes.
Rape, murder and snuff films.

A living witness comes forth.
His truth must be protected.
Guilty rich men are vicious.
They kill with as much ease 
as they order breakfast.

The abyss still exists.
The predators still hunt their prey.
The kids are still being ruined.
When will justice prevail?

 

  ©Ellen Pepper 2026