Oh, Susanna

 

 

Oh, Susanna

by Ellen Pepper

Susanna: Doc, the medication is hampering my cognitive abilities and decimating my memory.

Doc: In what way? Can you be specific?

Susanna: It's like this, see - I have to think about thinking now. Before I started with the meds, and during my time of being non-compliant, I was able to simply think of things. Now, I have to make plans to think.
For instance: I'm standing at the sink and realize that I need to get something in the fridge.
I start walking the 6 feet to the fridge but with the first step, my mind goes blank about the reason I'm going there. With each step, I search my memory to no avail. Then, I decide to wait until I'm actually standing before the open fridge to jog my memory.

Door open, I am still blank.

I look over at the sink and realize that I hadn't been standing there at all, I'd been at the counter preparing a salad and that what I needed in the fridge was the container of Feta cheese. 
It's not as simple as just thinking that I should grab the cheese and doing so - it takes more thought than it should.
My mind isn't working properly anymore.
What can we do to fix this?

Doc: It strikes me that you are simply over-thinking. You're making too much of simple tasks.

Susanna: Exactly my point - my cognition and memory are obviously affected by these meds.

Doc: I disagree - your overthinking is nothing more than a symptom of anxiety about having to take medications to stave off the fact that you are dying. You're in denial. 
Look at it this way: you are able to observe and be conscious of how your mind is working, therefore your mind is working...just differently. 
Your memory is lagging a bit but still functional - you may forget the cheese, for instance, but you haven't forgotten what cheese is and what it's used for, correct?
Your memory is functional.

Susanna: I don't think that you are taking this seriously enough. I'm very disturbed about this and want to rectify it somehow. Immediately, if possible.
Can't you prescribe different meds that won't have this effect?

Doc: Susanna, you must acknowledge that none of this matters because you'll be dead within 3 months. There's no way out. There's no cure. Surely you can cope with alternate ways of thinking for 3 months? Put on your big girl panties and deal with the fact that you're terminal.

Susanna: Oh Doc, your compassion and empathy overwhelm me. Thank you most graciously for being direct and honest. I can only hope that you are given the same response when you next consult a physician.
By the way, you don't have 3 more months. You'll be dead before me. A sudden accident. You'll greet me when I reach the Other Side. Mark my words.

Doc: That's enough for today. Let's meet again next Thursday.

Susanna: No. Sorry, Doc - you won't be able to make it. Thanks for everything. See you soon.

Dr Witherspoon died in her own home. She  was the victim of a plane crashing into her house on the following Wednesday.

 

©Ellen Pepper 2025