IDIOSYNCRASY

 I avoid overt hostility as a matter of course,
 but indifference from someone respected and valued
 will gradually grind my spirit down into dust, 
resulting in silence and withdrawal. 

This is one of my idiosyncrasies; 
something I've noted over time.

Everyone has a quiet bruising point.
Everybody reaches a moment of revelation
that energy is being wasted
in the pursuit of social connection.

I would have told you in person, but...
I can't go there again with you.
You've been told the reasons,
yet you were unmoved.

I don't want to hear excuses,
or lame attempts at levity.
I wanted communion.
What was given was ...nothing.

I won't slam the door this time.
But I'll withdraw, just the same.
It will be just like before,
but my engagement will be gone.

No hollow nostalgia can bring me back.
My impetus to try has died.
You go on finding you,
I can't help you anymore.

©Ellen Pepper 2026