You are the best companion I ever could have hoped for. You've come to me in my dreams every night for the past three. You've come to me and we were as before. Before you died. Before you became a dream ghost haunting my nights.
In the Before Times. When you were golden and glowed.
The first night you came for a visit, we met at Spadina station to go to Gwartzman's for my art supplies and then we'd have lunch. We found out that Paul had died. Shuffled off this mortal coil. Never to be seen again in this particular life. I recalled meeting him in the 70s and you laughed heartily because you weren't even born until the late 80s and I felt so old but not really.
We walked along Bloor St just as the setting sun illuminated it mile upon mile like water seeking its own level. Summer fragrance in the air. We were on our way to schnitzel at Hungarian House. That and roasted potatoes. And our typical smorgasbord of conversation: spirit, meditations, sociology, art, music, films, theatre gossip - so many things to discuss.
The other night, we visited the Egyptian Exhibit at the museum. We held hands as you wept over some artifacts in a glass cases. I said nothing because...well, what could be said? Too many feelings swamped you - I could see that.
Last night, we sat in my old apartment with the view of the gallery below on one side and the old firehouse visible from the rear window. We watched the crowds oozing their way down Queen St West heading out to catch some nightlife. We laughed at something stupid in a movie that we left playing while we chatted. Belly laughs because the scenario was so ridiculous. Helpless laughter.
We spoke of our plans. Creative efforts for the future. We didn't know how little time we had left to make memories. We didn't know.
We didn't know that our time together was limited. And that this right now was a dream.
Our dreamtime is precious. I'm happy for it. I'm fully aware that your body is empty of you now. I know where you've gone and it's good for you.
Still, I'll miss you...until we meet again.
You are the best companion I ever could have hoped for.
©Ellen Pepper 2025
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