Salvation

 

You don't have to suffer, you know.
You don't. 
You have it within you to move forward
out of the morass that holds you in its thrall.
You ask me how it can be done.
You ask me if it can be done.
You ask if freedom is even an option.
Ask me, and I'll tell you.
I can answer you with certainty
 that it is indeed possible 
and even necessary.

One day, you'll awaken with your senses intact and the weight of a thousand yesterdays will be removed from your soul.
You will experience joy after decades of anhedonia.
The colours of the world will seem brighter.
You'll see rainbows and unicorns.
Okay, maybe not unicorns because they aren't real except in a young girl's heart.

Now, how it can be achieved is within your being. The solution has  always been there.
Look into your soul without flinching.
You'll see that your demons can only possess you if you turn yourself away and attempt to flee them.
Consider this option instead: face those bastards... because they didn't originate in you. They were tainted gifts bestowed by evil elders in your youth who delighted in witnessing eternal suffering.

Turn to face those demons. Look them in their haunted eyes.
Tell them that you love and forgive them their fears and terrors but you no longer wish to share your life with them. Wish them well and a speedy departure.

Then sit very still and allow yourself to breathe freely for the first time that you can remember.

Now you'll have the opportunity to forgive yourself for all the damage you caused  others to suffer while you were held in the grip of the Mind Monsters. 

Be helpful and kind. Don't expect that those who have been damaged will immediately be healed, but you can give them every reason to believe that your days of cruelty are over. You've made it through the hellscape before death could rob you of the opportunity. 
You have triumphed. You have found salvation.

©Ellen Pepper 2025